Month: February 2013

Its 2 pm in Beijing and I should be asleep

Its 2 pm in Beijing, which is 1 am here; I should be upstairs in bed but instead I am wondering what a child I have never laid eyes on is doing right now.

I am wondering if she is playing with other children, napping after lunch, or staring out a window at a bird perched on a branch singing while the wind is blowing through the tree. Does she like to sing too?

I wonder if  she gets to play outside, remember her birth mother and father or if she had any siblings.

I wonder if the special need that brought her to the orphanage causes her physical or emotional discomfort. Does she like to look at books, color in the lines or spin around till she gets dizzy?

I may not know who Lemondrop is yet, but God does; and I wonder if each night, when I finally do close my eyes, and I try to imagine myself in a room with her, where ever she may be, kneeling at her side and whispering in her ear that we’re coming as quick as we can, does He carry my words to her heart……does she feel me there?

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More Than Skin Deep

As we study more what we may, and I have to stress the word ‘may’, face for attachment issues when we bring Lemondrop home, I have increasing thoughts about what difficulties she will face once we have her.

Although there are certainly children that settle in without too serious of issues, things like night terrors or other sleeping problems are not uncommon. Add to that issues with getting the child to bond to one or both of the parent’s and you have a very complicated road ahead.

One can only imagine what environment the child is coming from; long hours laying alone in a crib with minimal social contact; no one to give her the hugs and attention she needs. If she has been fortunate enough to have had a foster parent what will she be thinking or feeling when she has been taken from them and forced to now be with us; people she not only does not know but who don’t even resemble her, smell like her. Will her frightened and confused little mind think that the foster parents have abandoned her, that we have taken her, stolen her, from them?

Despite what the conditions may have been for her before she came to us they were known to her, something she had a level of comfort with; it was real, consistent. It reminds me of people who are in abusive relationships, but who can’t or won’t leave them because it is all they know.

I recently read a comment on Amazon for a book on the plight of some women in China; namely those who have had to abandon their children or have them taken away, the author of the comment is not only Chinese American, but has two adoptive daughters, has lived in China, worked in orphanages there, and disliked the book. The person stated that in their opinion the environment in China had radically been changing; females were becoming more valued and as such their families were less inclined to abandon them; in other words being a firstborn and a girl was no longer that great of a stigma. It was his opinion that it was not as much a gender issue that forced parents to abandon their children but rather more of a health issue; their being a special needs child, and as such there were more boys being abandoned as well. The conditions in the orphanages themselves, he pointed out, were slowly improving too.

I hope so, and I hope that by using a agency like Madison we are dealing with a orphanage that has a better environment; Madison appears to have some close ties with the orphanages they associate with and maybe then have some influence in how the children are raised till they find their forever home and family.

We are expecting to deal with Lemondrops physical issues, the emotional traumas & handicaps, the pain she feels inside, that will be a whole other matter.

…..chug chug chug…..

Slowly but surely things are moving along.

The recent storm dumped about 2 feet of snow around here and put off some of the things we had been planning on taking care of; like the follow up inquisition…err….meeting, yeah, meeting, with Molly. This being a one on one with me alone. That has been moved to next Tuesday morning now.

Sue was also hoping to have her one on one with Molly on Tuesday, in the evening; dont know yet though if that will happen. Thursday we are supposed to have the family meeting, with Keith present. Sue especially is eager to get all this stuff done with so we can get the local stuff finished and hand the ball to Madison and finally get a dossier to China and be matched.

We are both just about finished with our book reports for Madison; I was not aware that those were needed so I’m having to review the books I read.

We’re just chugging along, slow but sure.