As we study more what we may, and I have to stress the word ‘may’, face for attachment issues when we bring Lemondrop home, I have increasing thoughts about what difficulties she will face once we have her.
Although there are certainly children that settle in without too serious of issues, things like night terrors or other sleeping problems are not uncommon. Add to that issues with getting the child to bond to one or both of the parent’s and you have a very complicated road ahead.
One can only imagine what environment the child is coming from; long hours laying alone in a crib with minimal social contact; no one to give her the hugs and attention she needs. If she has been fortunate enough to have had a foster parent what will she be thinking or feeling when she has been taken from them and forced to now be with us; people she not only does not know but who don’t even resemble her, smell like her. Will her frightened and confused little mind think that the foster parents have abandoned her, that we have taken her, stolen her, from them?
Despite what the conditions may have been for her before she came to us they were known to her, something she had a level of comfort with; it was real, consistent. It reminds me of people who are in abusive relationships, but who can’t or won’t leave them because it is all they know.
I recently read a comment on Amazon for a book on the plight of some women in China; namely those who have had to abandon their children or have them taken away, the author of the comment is not only Chinese American, but has two adoptive daughters, has lived in China, worked in orphanages there, and disliked the book. The person stated that in their opinion the environment in China had radically been changing; females were becoming more valued and as such their families were less inclined to abandon them; in other words being a firstborn and a girl was no longer that great of a stigma. It was his opinion that it was not as much a gender issue that forced parents to abandon their children but rather more of a health issue; their being a special needs child, and as such there were more boys being abandoned as well. The conditions in the orphanages themselves, he pointed out, were slowly improving too.
I hope so, and I hope that by using a agency like Madison we are dealing with a orphanage that has a better environment; Madison appears to have some close ties with the orphanages they associate with and maybe then have some influence in how the children are raised till they find their forever home and family.
We are expecting to deal with Lemondrops physical issues, the emotional traumas & handicaps, the pain she feels inside, that will be a whole other matter.